How to help your child choose a profession

16 июня 1987 г., 09:55

Authors: N. I. Kozlov and Elena Rawlings-Smith,University of practical psychology

There are happy families where the choice is obvious: the child has some talents and inclinations, he understands who he wants to become. For example, a girl in the 7th grade already sees herself only as a teacher, she likes this direction, she wants to enter the pedagogical Institute. Great! Or, the boy's mindset is pure tech, and he wants to become an engineer like his grandfather. Super!

And if the child has no inclinations and desires? It doesn't pull in one direction or the other, and there are no outstanding achievements in individual subjects either. It seems to cope with both, but it seems that everything is "wrong". How to properly stimulate the process of choosing a profession?

Fragment of the consultation

Mother: I don't see that my son has any goals yet.

Consultant: Why should he have any goals? You must have goals.

Mother: Goals for him? I don't know either.

Consultant: I know. Your goal is for your child to be a successful person, to have a popular profession. You don't have a goal for him to be specifically a violinist, doctor or engineer, your goal is to Orient your son to what will suit him and create life prospects for him. He is smart and capable, so first pay attention to what is simply in demand.

Mother: as Far as I've read, you can't tell what's in demand right now. Now everything changes in just five years… And we don't know what will happen…

Consultant: Then choose a profession from those that are always needed. A dentist, for example. Something reasonable is always better than nothing and uncertainty…


The consultation is not completed, but you have a question: dear readers, what do you think about this recommendation of the consultant? Just take your time with the answer…

There is a popular opinion that it is deeply wrong to decide for children. That it can cause trauma and break contact with the child. Yes, this happens, and you can easily remember such examples. When parents and children are at war with each other, they have been at war for a long time, any pressure from parents is met with hostility by children in advance. And not because the parents offer him something bad and not suitable for him, but because they offer these nasty parents.

But it happens in a different way. Families are different.

When parents are intelligent and loving, when parents and the child are one team, such conflicts will not arise. Smart parents have adequate children, and the position "to spite my mother, I'll go and freeze my ears" is not theirs at all. At a minimum, these children start thinking with their parents. In addition, talented parents are able to promote their choice so that the child will consider it sincerely their own.

Well, such ideal families and such super-parents probably happen somewhere, but what should we do, not such ideal parents? - Normal parents need to listen to the consultant, because all the most interesting things are ahead.

Continuation of the consultation

Mother: well, Yes, dentists are always needed, but I can't put pressure on the child, it will only cause a protest…

Consultant: I Hope it will. This is the calculation, this is what will help us! So learn what you say to your son, or better yet, write it down. At dinner, formulate:

- Son, you are our wonderful, do you know that we have already found where you will go? Not guess… You here, you will be a dentist! And what? Excellent work, not dusty, respected, requires knowledge and skill. It pays well.
– But I don't want to be a dentist!"
"That's right, son, don't want to! We will be absolutely happy if you will soon tell us your other future profession, which is equally worthy and which will please you. We do not rest! Engineer, programmer, economist-choose for yourself, we are always ready to discuss it with you. As soon as you present us with a profession that will be better, of course, you will go there. So today, as you understand, we told you this: until you know what future profession is close to you, we will train you to become a dentist. If you have any other suggestions, we will be happy to help. But-hurry! If you don't get any offers in the near future, where do we start preparing? That's right, to the medical center, to the dentist!

You may hear from the style that this is how dads talk and this is not how moms talk. If you're a mom, how can you say that? See this option:

– Most of all, my dear daughter, I want you to make the right choice. Do you believe me, daughter? Sure. But you're not doing it yet, and I really want to help you. Therefore, I have already chosen a good profession that will definitely suit you, that will ensure your life. Believe me, I really want you to make your decision. And as soon as you find it and prove to me that it is reasonable, good, promising, I will fully support you. Isn't it good that I thought through all the questions for you, and you will have either my good version, or yours, even better? Come here, daughter, and give me a kiss.

As you understand, the main goal of this strategy is just to make the child think and say to himself: "I'll go do my own version, prove that my choice is better!". He protests-Hooray! The parent's goal is achieved!

Why is it useful to "decide for the child"?

The energy of desire appears in tension. When you sit in an open field and they say to you: "Go where you want!" - often there is a reaction "I don't want to go anywhere". And when they put some fences on both sides, and you realize that you, in principle, can jump, but you have to try very hard. In a familiar family, where there are three amazing, burning, untimely burning young adult children, we asked: what did your parents do with you, that you are all, as a selection-active, purposeful, successful? Children's response: "We fought with our parents all our childhood. We were forbidden everything in the world, we made our way, they forbade it. We are used to having our own opinion and defending our choice."

Don't be afraid to break your child

Choosing a profession that will somehow affect the fate of the child is the responsibility of the parent! Letting the process take its course and waiting for the child to understand what they want is the weakest and most unpredictable strategy. In most cases, it does not bring anything good. Stimulate the process, make an informed decision for the child! Then he will either listen to you and get a decent profession, or come up with his own version and fight for it! In both cases, you will get what you want-certainty and understanding of the child that he is going the right way.

And what if the choice of a child is complete garbage, an unacceptable option for our family?

Here, parents and children will have to figure it out together, sincerely weigh all the pros and cons, analyze the labor market, salary prospects, possible restrictions, etc. What will the routine look like in this profession? What can success and failure look like in it? How critical are they? Are there any friends who can tell the truth about this work, what are the pros and cons in reality? Is it possible to take an internship somewhere to plunge into the profession and make a conclusion "mine is not mine"?

You need to understand what is important to the child in the chosen profession. Maybe it is in others as well? Or is it possible to implement this without entering a specialized University, to develop the direction as a hobby, in addition to the main profession that will feed you all your life?

Something to think about. Joint discussion of such important issues-business, real and necessarily positive, in the position of "we are in the same boat" - will strengthen your friendship with your child. And it will help you solve the problem with the choice. In any case, it will provide several clear perspectives and options, from which you will only need to choose one.

Dear parents, believe me, life does not end with entering a University. If something goes wrong, you can enroll or transfer to another University, or get additional education. Your main task is not to make the only right choice once, but to teach your child to think about the future and make balanced, adequate decisions.

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