Operational work with emotions in conflict

Most conflicts are accompanied by strong negative emotions that interfere with reasonable analysis.

Remember your thoughts and feelings in the conflict when you were at the peak of emotions: usually we are sure that our anger is fair, and the other side is completely wrong. Calmed down, thought – and not everything is so, there is another view. The same goes for another person.

Therefore, the very first step in almost any conflict is to calm down, calm down both sides. And it must be done - promptly, quickly, if possible, here and now.

Conflicts between adults

Operational work with emotions in conflict most often includes the following actions:

• Change of environment and situation. For example, go to another place, touch your hand. "excuse me, I'm going to go out for a smoke, to the toilet, then we'll continue." if you can't stand it at all: "let's talk tomorrow" - you take such a big time-out.​​​​​​​
• Time-out suggestion. "Let's postpone this conversation until dinner!" - if you need to cool down.
• Description of your condition. "It was unpleasant for me" - helps between people close and equal.
• Active listening: a person needs to speak out. When he speaks out, he will calm down a little.
• We ask questions - such that the partner speaks out or gets distracted. But not questions showing the partner's wrongness, aimed at his accusation. Questions seem to be on the case, but aside - they distract well from emotions.
• Partial justification of the partner. "You're tired today" - if the partner can worry about his guilt.
• Caring and peace initiatives. "Let me feed you?" - if the partner is not in the resource.
• On the basis of what signs do we understand that we have already ventilated the partner's emotions, that it is already possible to talk to him? - He does not hide his eyes; his voice is quieter; he speaks more slowly; he begins to listen, asks questions; laughs.

Conflicts between children

If there is a conflict between children, before telling them reasonable things, they need to be taken out of a conflict situation when they do not hear reasonable words. Namely, quickly and authoritatively, without explanation, send them to the corner.

Let him do it first - only then explain why and why.

This is not a punishment - it is a way to bring them to themselves. How the child came to his senses - to give a task for compensation and correction. See that instead of punishment​​​​​​​

Ventilation of your own emotions

If you need to calm yourself, ventilate your own emotions, then see Emotion Ventilatio