Автор: Н.И. Козлов

Psychological self-portrait of an honest woman

Editor's note: this is a brilliant honest report; a girl's introspection of her own life. This is not fictional, but real, minimally edited material.

​​​​​​​I want to make myself a person, educate myself and bring benefits to people. I want to. But in fact I live by momentary desires and needs, easily distracted from high ideas in the direction of something easier. My attention constantly jumps from the important to the interesting, as a result, I do what I should and what I get.

What happens?

I take on a lot, but I can't organize myself for this "much". Short-I can, but long-no, I get distracted. I only control my day in snatches.

I don't do much with emptiness either, I just don't allow it, although in fact this is what I want most of all.

They spend a lot of time on the service. Long "harness" business. And when I start, it takes a lot of time for the job itself, because I want to do everything beautifully and perfectly. Therefore, little is usually done by the deadline, as a result of not a lot of unfinished business, a lot of unfinished business and constant delays.

I respond to complaints from others and myself with unhappy eyes, confusion, guilt, and promises to fix everything. At the same time, I know that this is a lie: I can't fix my disorganization, I can't cope with myself, and my head doesn't think properly.

Yes, I don't know how to think properly: I always make the wrong decision, and the first one that comes across that looks like the right one.

For example, I keep time of the day. I see that I manage to control my day only in fits and starts, and I make a decision: "I will always think about priorities and track the moments when I am distracted from what I need. If I'm distracted at the wrong time, I do push-UPS 10 times.

" This is not a solution, but a semblance of a solution, stupidity. It sounds beautiful, but absolutely unrealistic: I'll never do it, because that's what I've never been able to do, and I won't be able to do it any time soon.

If I set the task to carefully monitor the moments of a short period of time of the day, it would be realistic and responsible, but I am usually a fool and choose a beautiful solution, not the right one.

Of course, I will not fulfill my obligations, I will again play the fool and the unfortunate victim (I can do this perfectly well), I will feel guilty and continue to distract myself from the case by thinking that I do not really believe in myself and do not respect myself enough. Br ... started doing stupid things Again. You

don't have the Sense to take a small territory of Affairs, put it in order and maintain it.

Always maintain order there.

Always-always keep order there. Don't promise yourself or others that I'm responsible for something in other places. And here to do what should be done and here to educate yourself: "Said-done!​​​​​​​».

It's a pity, the mind is not enough to make just such a decision.

In the meantime, I dream of a magical personal growth that will give me drive and energy, so that I can then live an interesting and enjoyable life, because I, as a small child and a human body, want this most of all!