Time to be an Author?
Автор: Никита Иванов,Университет практической психологии
You probably have friends who clearly recognize the Victim. And this Victim can say: what can be done here? Yes, I'm not in control of my life,but the thing is... And a list of a thousand reasons will follow. The Victim has a job where the initiative is punished. The boss is a tyrant. Her husband commands her. It's disgusting outside – how can you smile here? You need to work, not to starve to death, there is no time for development. I really want to, but somehow it doesn't work out. It's good for you to talk, you have (insert an excuse to your taste), but in her circumstances, you can't be the Author.
Let's start with the definition. An author is someone who consciously makes decisions and takes responsibility for the consequences. Consciously, it means not automatically, because it is accepted, or familiar, or someone asked, or "it happened". Consciously, it means having considered and evaluated the options. Makes decisions, and usually-to act. Well, sometimes inaction, waiting is the right step, but certainly an adequate person, after thinking everything over, will not decide to start complaining about their hard life. And takes responsibility, that is, honestly admits: "Yes, I did it! Yes, I decided that this is the best option! Made a mistake? Yes, I was wrong! I'll fix it and make it better next time." The formula of the Author: the conscious decision of + responsibility. Both come from within and cannot be taken away by external circumstances. It's not about having authority, it's not about taking the initiative, it's not about acting in your own interests. This is about conscious decisions and responsibility for them.
And you can always make the best possible decision and answer for it if necessary. There is no such thing that the Author can only be the Director of a company or, better yet, the king of a small sovereign state.
If someone works as a cleaner and whines every day that life is bad, people are angry, no one understands, the job is bad, he was not intended for this, there is no money, no one is interested in him, and so on – this is the position of the Victim. It does not work on changes and believes that changes are not possible. If a person now works as a cleaner, for any reason, but at the same time works efficiently, takes time to learn new skills, looks for another job, tries to save some money and plans changes in their life-they are the Author. Both are in the same circumstances, but one is used to being the Victim, and the other is determined to be the Author.
When the boss suddenly appears and tells you to go wash the floors for the second time in an hour, the Victim may start arguing, whimpering that they have recently been washed, and everything is clean. He might have a rowdy argument. Can agree, but go around the corner where the boss can't see, and do nothing. If the Victim is fired for this behavior, of course, the boss will be to blame, life, anyone, but not her. The author will think about the situation and decide what is correct. Probably say: "It will be done!" - and go to do your job. Perhaps try to explain to the boss that the floors were washed recently, there is no point in doing this now, but you can do something else, more necessary. The author clearly understands that he can be fired for a confrontation with his boss, and accepts this. However, it can also be assigned to senior shifts with a salary increase. In any case, the Author will make the decision himself and take responsibility for the consequences. What determines whether the Victim will push for pity, brawl, or quietly sabotage decisions? It depends on what method she is more used to, and that's all. Here there is no reflection, there is, in fact, no person-personality, there is only a habit. What determines what the Author will do? From his thoughts on what is optimal in this situation. "Optimal" here can mean "optimal for everyone", or "optimal for me". The author does not have to be an angel who thinks about everyone around him, but at least he thinks for himself, and this causes respect.
Another example. You are asked to do something, you need to make a decision, and you don't have enough knowledge. You can refuse, say that you do not know, you can take a risk – but you will also be to blame if you are not lucky. Where is the Author, where is the Victim? We apply the formula: informed decision + responsibility. If you do what you are asked to do, it is customary, with the feeling "everyone always rides me, they make me decide when I don't really know"... Or habitually refuse, say that "I don't know, and I can't, and I won't, and I'll probably make a mistake, and then they'll ask me, that's what you are, it's always like this." Then it's a Sacrifice. And if you think about it meaningfully, decide what is right, and then refuse. Or agree, deciding that the risk is worth the possible bonuses. And in case of failure, do not shout that you did not know, but just calmly accept the consequences. This is the author's position. The difference is not always what you do specifically. Sometimes it's how you do it.
And if so, you can always be an Author! There would be a desire. You just need to stop and think sometimes: "What have I done in the last hour? Did I decide this consciously or automatically? Maybe it's better to do it differently?» Stop scolding the nagging boss, better think about whether to establish a relationship with him. Smile as you walk through the puddles, and next time call a taxi. Don't make excuses that there wasn't time, just say it: «Guilty. I'll fix it by 12:00 tomorrow." And life will start to change.