Fits of anger are an unpleasant thing both for the person himself and for others. How to learn how to relieve bouts of anger, is it possible in principle to change your character, to become a calmer and more restrained person? Sometimes you can.
What doesn't help?
Работа с гневом - переключение внимания, выдыхание гнева, спокойное дыхание.
It seems natural to shame and reproach yourself for anger, but it does not change the situation. "Is such an intelligent and adult person like me offended?" - the phrase is weak, it does not help to cope with anger, and internal discontent increases: after all, if I continue to be angry, then I am not smart and not an adult… Just note for yourself: "I got very angry" is more useful, it gives an opportunity to start acting further.
Change your personality? - It's real
If you are really serious, then in order for your anger attacks to stop, you need to change your character, become calm and restrained. Sometimes it seems unrealistic, improbable, impossible, but it's not. Character is a set of habits, and habits can be changed. If you set yourself such a task and start training calm reactions, you will cope.
Шон Кэролл стал тренировать сдержанность, победил приступы ярости и изменил свой характер.
Please note: Sean Carroll's behavior was filmed on a DVR, and in fact it was very useful. He knew that the experiment with him was being filmed by TV crews, his wife regularly asked about his success, he copied the data from the video to his USB stick every evening... The situation was built in such a way that Sean did not forget about his intention, and that's what helped him. He didn't forget - he did - he succeeded. What will you do so that you don't forget your intention to react more restrained, calmer?
If you are a serious person and understand that you need to cope with anger attacks, practice exercises for "calm presence" more often. Alternatively, live through the situation that causes anger in advance on a relaxed, and preferably positive background. It is always useful to master auto-training, develop an understanding of people and a friendly attitude towards people.
What helps situationally?
Until you have solved the issue seriously, it is always worth looking for something that will help you situationally. Helps - a lot, but what will help you in a particular situation - you need to look for. Consider the options:
Switching attention. If you are distracted, you are already half calmed down. The whole question is how to distract yourself? It helped Sean Carroll to think about what is happening in his brain right now, how to help his frontal lobes extinguish the activity of the amygdala. Someone begins to consider their anger from the outside: what is it like? What does it look like? Where does it concentrate? Usually emotions have a center - fear, for example, lives in the throat and shoulders. Find the localization of your anger and try to relax those muscles that are tense. It is unlikely to cool down instantly - say phrases that will calm you down: Short at first (Sorry. Flared up.). Then take and hold a pause. Then continue: more calmly.
Sort out. Often people make noise and get excited until they figure out what happened. Take your time. Try to understand if your anger has grounds and if there are better ways to react than anger. Stop winding yourself up. Relax, reportage what happened, calculate the real damage from what happened - preferably in hard currency. What's next?
Hint: Anger often takes the form of resentment or is an element of it, so working with anger largely intersects with and is similar to working with resentment. Accordingly, begin to sort out the same scheme as the grounds of resentment are sorted out.
To normalize your condition faster, put your body in order. Once it is enough to get out of a stupor, shake yourself up. Sometimes it's best to put on sneakers and run to the stadium: after an hour of jogging it will become easier, a walk in the fresh air changes the internal state, and if after that you can lie down, relax or even sleep, you will wake up in a calm state.
Outburst and switching of anger. If you feel that today you are ready to break down because anger overwhelms you, then look for an opportunity to utter your anger, shout, splash out, react in one way or another. One of the simplest and most common procedures is to vent anger in a safe direction. The Chinese often start their morning by running to the nearest mountain (a small wooded hill) and yelling at the top of their lungs for 5-10 minutes, venting their anger and aggression. Afterwards, cleansed, happy and smiling, they run down the hill...
It's important - it doesn't always work, it doesn't last long and it doesn't help everyone.
All this does not resolve the issue as a whole, rage will arise again, but in a specific situation you can calm yourself down. For a start, this is good, and then - think again about how to correct your character in general.