Do we complete what we promised?

23 июля 1987 г., 07:49

From the conversation on Psychologos:

"I have 2 children, a full-fledged family. I don't work, I work with children. The eldest is 6 years old. If something doesn't hit her, she starts yelling and can hit me. Dad didn't buy a bike yesterday, but he promised, she started screaming and crying first, you have to apologize to me. Then, when her dad told her he wasn't going to apologize. So there were circumstances, I did not buy today, I will buy tomorrow. There is another, small one-ride it. She tried to hit me with her hand 2 times. I caught her hand and didn't let go until she apologized, she apologized, I let go, and then she tried to hit me a third time. I sent her to her room and didn't talk to her. She sat and played there. I wasn't even upset. I talked to her this morning, but it's not the first time, and when something goes wrong with her, she can hit me. Dad thinks she should have been hit hard. What should I do in such cases? If they are repeated periodically?"


"Thank you for a wonderful evening! I promise, we will come to you more often!" - The guests were sincere, but if they can't come after that , will you complain to them? I hope not... If you jokingly reproach on the phone: "Why don't you come? After all, they promised!" - this will be appropriate and remind them of their desire. But if you demand an apology for not fulfilling the promise, then this is inadequate, then no one will promise you anything more and they will not come to visit you another time.

Read in the dictionary: "A promise is a voluntary commitment, the consent of someone to perform something or, on the contrary, not to do it."

Of course, the people in charge when it comes to business matters, trying to keep my promise to perform. Promised-fulfill. Promised to go to the store-go to the store, relatives are counting on it. Between responsible people in business relationships, "promise" means to conclude an unspoken agreement, and the one who thoughtlessly distributes his promises and does not fulfill them is an irresponsible person. However, never confuse personal and business relationships, do not confuse promises and contracts.

If you need a firm agreement, talk about it seriously and negotiate. If necessary, discuss the sanctions. If you didn't sign the contract and the person only promised you, you didn't sign the contract and you don't have the right to make claims.

A promise is not a contract. A promise is an announcement of intent, an expression of desire, and the fulfillment of a promise is only the good will of the promised person, and not a duty that entails sanctions for non-fulfillment.

The words of the child "I promise not to be late again..." under the terrible eyes of the mother are the feelings of the Child, not the agreement of Adults: read Bern! And if the father promised to buy a Bicycle for his daughter, the well-bred daughter has only the right to kiss the father: "thank You, daddy!" and then wait for dad to do it. Yes, and behave well: if you behave badly, not only will dad not buy a new bike, but he will also take away the old tricycle.

Can your daughter remind your father of his promise? Maybe if it helps my dad and if my daughter's intonation pleases my dad. And if the father is met by a daughter who is dissatisfied with the father and shouts "Where is my bike?!"and the demand "Why didn't you buy it? Ask my forgiveness!", then the Pope is really to blame... Really, why is his daughter so spoiled and ill-mannered?

Maybe we should put both of them in a corner now.


Yes, and recently I was told an anecdote. Mother comes to the Children's world, the child is crying: "Mom, buy me the biggest toy!" His mother tries to persuade him: "Well, let's buy this one? Or this one?", but the child just yells and throws tantrums: "I want the biggest toy! You promised me!" A decent young man approaches them and says: "You know, I work here as a child psychologist. If I can help you in any way, I will be happy to do so. I think it would be good for the child to calm down... If you'll excuse me, this is my office, we'll go away for a couple of minutes, I'll try to negotiate with him?" - " Yes, good!". After a couple of minutes, the child comes out of the psychologist's office, takes his mother's hand and says: "Mother, my love, I will be very grateful to you if you have the opportunity to buy me the smallest toy!". My mother got emotional, bought a toy and asked: "how did you talk to the psychologist?" - " Aha, we just went out the door, he turned to me, showed his big fist and said-you will still yell, in the forehead I will give!".

Here is an anecdote about the Children's world and a kind psychologist.

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